10 Signs That Prove She’s Just Not Into You (Sorry!)
Unrequited love is one of the most difficult things any of us has to deal with in our lives. There are few feelings as painful as that crushing sense of rejection and creeping humiliation when you realize that the girl of your dreams may not be that into you, and when faced with that prospect, many of us choose to deny the obvious. She buries our heads in the sand and chooses to read every hint of affection or praise she sends our way as counter evidence to the idea that she is actually tuning us out.
In the end, however, you are only prolonging the heartbreak this way. You can’t make anyone like you back no matter how hard you try, and in the end it’s better to know the truth about where you stand so you can take a clean break and move on to someone who likes you as much as you do them.
So if you have even the vaguest feeling that the object of your affection doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings as yours, here are the top ten signs – from flaking plans to outright rejection in words – that confirm it for sure:
1. She constantly flakes on plans
Not every cancellation of plans means you don’t have a crush on you. Everyone occasionally has to forgo arrangements due to illness or an absent double booking, and if your crush has only asked for a rain check once or twice, it probably doesn’t spell doom for the relationship. However, if she keeps flaking on you, especially at the last minute, that’s a pretty strong sign that she’s not interested.
If you really think she still likes you and is really sick or busy, leave the planning of the next date to her. If she never suggests another outing with you, that’s a clear sign that she’s not into you and it’s time to move on.
2. She keeps reiterating that you are just friends
Another way a woman might signal that she’s not interested in meeting you is by reiterating that the relationship is strictly platonic. If she constantly emphasizes that it’s so nice to have you as a friend or explicitly calls you my friend then she is trying to tell you something – namely that you are not her boyfriend and never will be .
Although this can sting, be careful how you respond. It’s important that you don’t throw a tantrum when you enter the ‘ friend zone ‘: friendship is a precious gift, after all, and you should be grateful that she offers you so much. Insisting that she owes you more than friendship is pure entitlement and can land you without any relationship with her.
If you don’t think you can manage to be friends with just your crush, you should take a clean break instead of lingering in the background hoping she will change her mind. This will only cause resentment if she eventually moves on to another relationship. Either accept the friendship graciously or move on entirely.
3. She avoids physical contact
A key sign that two people are romantically involved is constant touching: Putting hands on legs, brushing arms back, or even playfully slapping each other. If your crush isn’t doing any of that and her body language is stiff and aloof, she’s probably subliminally showing you that she’s not interested in you.
“I had had a really great date,” explained Val, 30. “We ended up in the car, and I told her I wanted to kiss her all night and kind of leaned in. I expected the time to be right and it was the perfect end to the date. She pulled away and nervously told me she just wanted to go home. I couldn’t believe how badly I had read the situation, but this certainly confirmed it. ‘
‘This is definitely an area where you don’t want to force things – unwanted physical contact is creepy, invasive, and potentially criminal – so keep the ball in her court in this area. If she wants to make physical contact, she can, but if you’ve been seeing each other for a while and she’s not just nervous or awkward, her absence is probably a sign that she’s not into you.
4. Her responses to your texts are blunt and terse
If you’ve received your 11th ‘k’ or’ yup’ text in a row from her, it’s likely that she’s not reciprocating your feelings. If she were, the opposite would be true: she’d be constantly updating you on mundane details about her day or idle gossip that you’re barely involved in. When you fall in love with someone, you tend to text them incessantly. So if there are tumbleweeds in your message folder or he responds with minimal replies, this is not a good sign.
“I would say the first way I know a girl is losing interest is by falling out of normal communication patterns: being more curt with texts and calls, responding slowly or overly quickly, or simply interrupting your established communication flow. ‘Moses, 42, said. ‘Also, it’s a giveaway not to be curious about you and your life, and to generally give off the vibe of’ I’m not interested in learning about you anymore.
This is another good situation to leave things to her. If this brings the conversation to a complete halt, you’ll know for sure that you weren’t her Prince Charming.
5. She has not introduced you to anyone in her world
If you and your crush have been dating for weeks or months (at least in your eyes), but she’s strangely avoiding letting you meet anyone in her world, she’s probably not quite as committed to the relationship as you are. Introducing a partner to your friends and family is one of the most solid signs of commitment. If she is evasive in this area, it probably means that she does not see you as part of her future.
‘I’ve only ever introduced two friends to my parents, so for me that’s a big step,’ said Lily, 29. ‘Once I knew I was serious about someone, it had to happen. ‘
Reluctance to introduce you to friends and family probably isn’t a dead giveaway in a very early relationship, but if you’ve stayed stable for a while and it’s not even an option – or if she refuses to meet your friends and family – It’s not a good sign. If your worlds don’t mesh at all and she’s preventing it, it’s probably time to look elsewhere for a more committed partner.
6. She avoids you for days and responds to you at times.
If the communication between you is always patchy and intermittent, this could be because she is trying to tune you out but wants to avoid looking heartless by ghosting you completely. If she gives a lukewarm reply to every third message from you, but you don’t hear anything else from her at all, this could be the case.
When asked how she tunes out people she’s not interested in, 27-year-old Anna said, “I stop asking questions about them and their lives, and generally don’t try to keep the conversation alive if I lose interest in someone.”‘
It is difficult to deal with this situation because it is not as clear as not hearing from her at all, and there is a plausible denial she can appeal to here (‘What do you mean? I’ll write you back!’). . Use your gut instinct and leave things back in her hands: Stop texting her at all, and if she’s interested, she can get the conversation flowing again. If not, you know the drill.
7. She never initiates meetings between you two
If your crush is never the one initiating plans between the two of you, this is a sign that she may not be as invested in the relationship as you are. Think about it: If she’s really interested in you, you’re one of her go-to people when she wants to visit a gallery or see a new movie, just as she is for you.
This one often goes hand-in-hand with another sign on this list: constantly flaking on plans. ‘I think a big indicator for me is when we try to make another date and they’re busy, but they don’t suggest another time either,’ said 29-year-old David. ‘If she’s making fun of you, not initiating plans, or the dreaded combination of both, it should be pretty clear that things aren’t going well.
You deserve better than a partner who is lukewarm and not excited to spend time with you cutting things off if she never initiates plans. It will save her from having an awkward conversation with you later about how she likes you but just doesn’t like you.
8. She gets weird or won’t commit to future plans
Similar to meeting friends and family, sticking to future plans is a key sign of commitment. If she blanches and changes the subject when you suggest making New Year’s Eve plans six months in advance, it could be a sign that she didn’t envision staying with you that long.
‘I remember the death blow to my relationship with my ex was when he asked if I would come to Thailand for his best friend’s wedding,’ explained Jess, 25.’I tried to say it was about the money, but I really didn’t.’ ‘I don’t want to embed myself in his life that early – we’d been together for less than a year at that point and I didn’t see it going much further. After he offered to pay for my flight, I had to come clean about the real reason. ‘
Since there are real reasons your partner may be unwilling to make long-term plans, such as money worries or concerns about not being able to make time for work, you need to use your instincts with this plan. If you ask the right questions and take inventory of how often this happens, you should be able to get a pretty good read on whether a reluctance to make future plans signals a deeper disinterest. If a pattern is forming, the relationship is probably dead in the water.
9. She tells you directly and in words that she is not interested
This one is as simple as it gets: if she has told you in words that she is not interested in you, you don’t have to analyze her behavior further or look for signs that she may not have meant what she said .
A clear rejection like this is a terrible feeling, but there is a silver lining. You don’t have to waste your time reading minds now: She’s letting you know directly that she’s not interested, so you can move on to someone whose feelings are mutual this time.
10. She lets you know indirectly that she is not interested
Sometimes women have a hard time dealing with men directly. Because women are socialized to always be sweet and compliant, it can be difficult to say a clear no, and they may even expose her to retaliatory violence . So if she says something like, ‘I’m not really interested in seeing anyone right now’ or ‘I’m pretty busy with work that doesn’t leave much time for dating,’ she’s telling you as kindly and indirectly as possible that she’s not interested in pursuing things with you.
Don’t push her into it or call her out for ‘lying’ when she gets a boyfriend in three weeks or posts vacation pictures on Facebook: she’s been trying to let you down gently in a way that protects her own safety. Most people tell a white lie or two to spare the feelings of others. So take the hint and move on like a mature adult: you’re both better off not making a fuss or trying to probe her for her truth feelings.
There’s nothing worse than really liking someone who doesn’t treat you that way, and if one or more of the above signs are showing up for you, you’re probably feeling pretty down right now. Ultimately, though, it’s healthier to break off a relationship that only involves the active participation of one party. So if you think this is the case in your situation, do the brave thing and move on. If at some point you meet someone who is as excited about you as you are – and you will! – You’ll be glad you didn’t always waste your time.
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